Monday, October 29, 2012

Almost November! (and Bigger Boobs)

I've been away for a while, but I just realized it is almost November, and that means NaNoWriMo! I'm going to try again this year, so I decided to do a little practicing. That's right- more Write or Die. Seriously, I'm in love!
509 words in just over 10 minutes. I've got this NaNo in the bag!!
Yesterday, I found out I have bigger boobs.
My whole life I've been a 32A, and I was always alright with that. I have always said that I love my size, breasts included. I've never been bothered that I am the SMALLEST SIZE available in normal stores. But yesterday, when I found out my boobs are bigger, I got kind of... Excited. Not that I felt like I wasn't as beautiful when they were smaller, but I just felt more.. Womanly. It made a difference that I did not expect. When I tried on a bra that was supposed to be my size, I was shocked to see that it didn't seem to fit. I asked the opinion of 3 different people, and they all came to the conclusion that I was a bigger size than what I had supposed. And so, I bought that bigger size. And I went home, and I put it on, and I basked in my newfound not-small-boobness. Not having the smallest boobs out there makes a difference I didn't know could be there.
Does that make me a hypocrite? I KNOW that I was comfortable with myself before-- without a doubt. I felt beautiful, I was confident, I wasn't concerned that I was the opposite of well endowed. I had boobs, they were small, and I was happy with them. Now, I seem to feel a certain.. Self-concsiousness, a discomfort that wasn't there just 24 hours ago. Being a B cup isn't that big of a difference- is it?
Apparently, I was TOO comfortable with myself. Because now, knowing that I am different, it seems to make me nervous. I have no reason to be nervous with myself. Having a bigger bust doesn't make me a different person, I'm certain of that. So why should I be uncomfortable in my own skin?
As disconcerting as this is on its own, it might get worse...
I recently made a commitment to start working out. 3 days a week- cardio, legs, abs, arms, who knows- as well as dancing twice a week. The thing about working out... Is that it seems to create changes in a human body. And I'm well aware of this, I understand this fact, I truly am not surprised to know that this is something that happens. But... What if I start working out, I start getting a little toned, I get a little stronger.. And I panic? That wouldn't be something that I could handle. I don't want to finally get into a shape that I can be proud of.. And suddenly be too freaked out to keep it. I'm young. I should be in the best shape of my life, and I should be happy about it. So why would I be so frantic about my body changing? My body is NOT who I am. I make who I am every moment in word, thought, and deed. Not in bust size and muscle mass. There is nothing to be concerned about by way of my body changing, because I am STILL ME.

So there we have it. And, in case you're wondering, the above is all TRUE. Interesting.. The things you learn about yourself when you are frantically writing so your computer doesn't yell at you. Truly exciting!
That's all for now, folks. I love you dearly- xoxo!!

Friday, July 20, 2012

Makeup catch-up!

If you've read my blog before, you've probably come across the post Makeup Lockup a time or two. Recently I discovered a link to this post was shared by a dear fellow I have the pleasure of associating with regularly, and I decided the time has come for an update!!
My makeup lockup happened a little over a year ago. Since then, I opened the box once- to put in some makeup I had missed the first time around. And guess what?
I've stuck with it.
I do believe it's one of the best decisions I have ever made. Small confession- I have worn this delightful thing called lip plumper on a few occasions, because it is very fun. (; But there has been no foundation, coverup, blush, eyeshadow.. Just mascara, eyeliner, and (rarely) cinnamon-scented clear gloss. I'm not actually convinced it works, but it makes my lips tingly, so...
In all seriousness, I feel getting rid of my makeup has accomplished what I was hoping of it- and probably a whole lot more. I am much more confident in who I am, and I know that the people who say they like me feel that way because of who I am, not because of a pretty face. It's so much easier to get ready for my day, and I'm not constantly worried about whether a part of my face is melting or not. It's just plain easier. That's right, bold AND italic! That's just how important that word is.
Anyway, I just wanted to catch you up. Thank you for all of your love and support. Feel free to stick around-- maybe I will, too!

I know more Spanish than I thought.

Isn't life just amazing?! is a gift to be treasured. Here's the thing...
When you receive a gift (and I'm talking a real doozy of a present), do you just toss the thing aside with a shrug, wrinkle it up, step on it, use it as a drink coaster, forget about it? No way! You take care of that gift, you use it well, you appreciate it. Right?
Basically, I've kind of been stepping on my daily prize. I wake up and I pray and thank my Father for the breath he put in my lungs this morning, and then I kind of forget that gratitude that filled me to bursting upon opening my eyes. I forget that my day is still a gift 2, 6, 10 hours in- not just the moment I become conscious of it. But really, it is! It's still a present right now, even as I write this, over 12 hours later. Isn't that crazy?!
The plan, I suppose, is to start showing my gratitude. When your great aunt Millie buys you a sweater, and she sees you wearing it, how excited is she?! Beyond just saying thank you, maybe sending a note, she knows you appreciate that gift for what it is, not just to be polite. You are not just telling her how you feel, you're showing her! And we all love to see that joy in another person.
So why wouldn't we show the same appreciation for the bright new day that's being handed to us so selflessly??? Are we waking up thinking about how we can make today great, or are we hitting the snooze button and grumbling unintelligibly until we must get up? (Don't you worry-- I'm definitely in the latter group. \:)
And now here I am, writing about it. Listening to Pandora (Grace Kelly radio. Do it-- you won't regret it!) and feeling halfway motivated. Why not make the best of every day?? I can do it, and so can you, and even if you have to get up at 5 AM it will be okay! Because your day is a gift, made special for you, wrapped up and polished until you open it when you open your eyes.
And honestly, everybody loves presents. (:

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Testing: Sherlock

Watching Sherlock with Casi. We've never seen it before, so we'll see how it goes! Jake just left, I've been eating better than sex cake, and life is good. I felt it was time to blog, but now I can't think of anything I want to say. I love my Melissa May, I can't wait for dancing on tuesday, and I don't even care if I use the best grammar or English.
Love your life; it loves you.