Happy birthday Jewel!!

Geezum Jewel, can you believe we're 19? I remember us talking about how when we turned 18 we would move out and find an apartment. I guess life kinda gets in the way sometimes, huh?
What are you doing to celebrate your birthday? I'm sorry I can't visit today. You know how it is.. Chores, work.. But I'll come see you soon, promise.
Since the beginning of July I've thought about how this day was coming. It hits me harder that it's your nineteenth birthday than it hit me that it was mine! Seems like only yesterday we were just turning 17, going to lagoon, sitting on your front porch, giggling-talking-laughing-crying. I knew all your secrets. You knew all of mine. Crazy how time changes things.
Today is so bittersweet. I love thinking about you and feeling you in my life. But I wish I could tell you happy birthday in person. I wish I could sing to you, give you a present, watch you blow out candles, maybe shove some cake in your face or surprise you with all your friends. I wish I could have called you at midnight and woken you up, embarrassed you in front of everyone we came in contact with, taken you out to lunch. I'm going to tell myself that you can read this- and I hope to God you know how much I love and miss you. I'm pretty sure He'll be sympathetic on this account. Everyone deserves a happy birthday from the people they love.
One day, I'll see you honey. One day you'll give me a hug, and we'll catch up on old times. We'll giggle-talk-laugh-cry and everything will be like it was. But it's not time yet. I'll have to make do with whispering to you at night, writing to you on my blog, praying to you when things get unbearable. And hoping/praying/knowing you get every word.

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