509 words in just over 10 minutes. I've got this NaNo in the bag!!
Yesterday, I found out I have bigger boobs.
My whole life I've been a 32A, and I was always alright with that. I have always said that I love my size, breasts included. I've never been bothered that I am the SMALLEST SIZE available in normal stores. But yesterday, when I found out my boobs are bigger, I got kind of... Excited. Not that I felt like I wasn't as beautiful when they were smaller, but I just felt more.. Womanly. It made a difference that I did not expect. When I tried on a bra that was supposed to be my size, I was shocked to see that it didn't seem to fit. I asked the opinion of 3 different people, and they all came to the conclusion that I was a bigger size than what I had supposed. And so, I bought that bigger size. And I went home, and I put it on, and I basked in my newfound not-small-boobness. Not having the smallest boobs out there makes a difference I didn't know could be there.
Does that make me a hypocrite? I KNOW that I was comfortable with myself before-- without a doubt. I felt beautiful, I was confident, I wasn't concerned that I was the opposite of well endowed. I had boobs, they were small, and I was happy with them. Now, I seem to feel a certain.. Self-concsiousness, a discomfort that wasn't there just 24 hours ago. Being a B cup isn't that big of a difference- is it?
Apparently, I was TOO comfortable with myself. Because now, knowing that I am different, it seems to make me nervous. I have no reason to be nervous with myself. Having a bigger bust doesn't make me a different person, I'm certain of that. So why should I be uncomfortable in my own skin?
As disconcerting as this is on its own, it might get worse...
I recently made a commitment to start working out. 3 days a week- cardio, legs, abs, arms, who knows- as well as dancing twice a week. The thing about working out... Is that it seems to create changes in a human body. And I'm well aware of this, I understand this fact, I truly am not surprised to know that this is something that happens. But... What if I start working out, I start getting a little toned, I get a little stronger.. And I panic? That wouldn't be something that I could handle. I don't want to finally get into a shape that I can be proud of.. And suddenly be too freaked out to keep it. I'm young. I should be in the best shape of my life, and I should be happy about it. So why would I be so frantic about my body changing? My body is NOT who I am. I make who I am every moment in word, thought, and deed. Not in bust size and muscle mass. There is nothing to be concerned about by way of my body changing, because I am STILL ME.
Right?
That's all for now, folks. I love you dearly- xoxo!!
