Monday, November 22, 2010

I thought I wanted the World to Know..

I thought I wanted every single person on this Earth to know. I wanted to paste it all over the internet, hang a banner from my window, put a bumper sticker on my car. I wanted to tell every person I met, whether they asked about it or not. I wanted my very soul to shine it through, for everyone to see it in my eyes. I wanted my heart on my sleeve.

But now..

Now, I couldn't be more glad I was cautious. I want to sit, in quiet reflection, and be thankful. Thankful it was slow, and sweet. Thankful I kept it close, and hidden, and safe. And that the world doesn't know. Because if the world knew, they would ask. And wonder. And pry. I don't want them to wonder. I want to smile, and dance, and laugh. I don't want a single soul to think there is a reason I shouldn't, because there isn't. Even if the world doesn't know, I really am happy. Happy I made the right decision, even if it felt like the wrong one. Happy you made the right decision, too. And I will see you, and smile, and it will be just like it was before. There is nothing to be afraid of, nothing to worry about. We will be okay.

Even if I thought, for a minute, I might love you.. We both knew it couldn't be. There were no expectations, no promises, we did nothing wrong. Everything was in order. I didn't tell a  single soul how I thought I felt, because I knew all this. Only now, when we're through, can I admit it to myself. And only a little. It was a maybe, a possibly, not a surety. How I felt no longer matters. And truly, leaving you now, could have been the best thing for both of us. I believe it was. Before we got too attatched, before we changed too much. You're still in my life, and you're still so important to me. But we made the right decision.

You'll never know what you did for me. You made me think.. About myself, about my future, about the world around me. You talked to me, forced me to have my own opinions, and to back them up. You helped me realize so much about myself. You were the best thing for me.

Now that part of our lives is over, but I will take that with me. I will keep the sense of self you unkowingly helped me find. And I will be better for it.

I can't wait to see you tomorrow.

Not because I miss you, though I do, but because you are my friend. My wonderful, amazing friend. And I will be grateful always for the friend I've found in you.

(: xo.


update: i was completely full of it when i wrote this. i was not happy, but i was trying to convince myself i was/ could be. but i fixed it. i righted the wrong. and now we're happy. (: i can't believe i almost let myself lose the most amazing man i have ever met. a special thank you to lisette. she really saved us. and i am.. happy. (:

Friday, November 5, 2010

Dancing with Batman. (:

A lot has been going on! Stella broke, Stella was fixed. I forgot to do my budget for finance, got asked by the cute kid in social dance for my number, fought with my brother, my parents, my cat, got sick, got better, work, work, work, and school, of course. I've seen the movie Red, watched the Crazies yesterday, Despicable Me again. I haven't read in who knows how long. And that's not even the half of it!! But quite obviously, this post is about Batman, and things that have happened with him. Let's start with October 29th.
That was the Neon Night for SLCC. It was a blast! Glow sticks, black lights, music. I went with Lisette and her buddy Tanner. We met Batman and his friends there. Before I go on, let me just say: Batman does not do hip hop. He doesn't know how to dance to it. But he does anyway, which is part of why I like him so much! He's really quite hysterical. (: We were there for probably an hour and a half. Then Batman and his trusty sidekick, partner in crime(or heroic-ness), Robin(haha! That code name totally made itself up.) came over to Lisette's with us, where we watched When in Rome. Super funny movie! Batman and I cuddled on the couch, and it was beautiful. That boy has some safe arms.
The next night was fake- Halloween. What I like to call a Utah holiday. Batman came to our traditional family chili with me. It was great! Everyone seemed to like him, and he definitely liked all of them. He just sat in his chair like a good boy(haw, haw) and watched. I love the fact that he doesn't need to be right with me every single second. He didn't mind that I was across the room. He paves his own path in every social situation, making friends with everyone, just being an all-around sweetie. He fit in great in my opinion.
Side note- I saw my "long lost" uncle that night!! And met his super cute son. But again, that's not what this post is about. Just haaaad to say it. (:
After chili and going to my house for a bit, we went party hopping with his awesome group of friends. And I'm tellin ya, the parties just got better!! We only went to three, but that was plenty. I was dressed as a go-go girl, and my wig came off at the second party. You just can't dance with a bright pink bob! I met some amazing people, and did some dancing of course. But things really got going at the last party. The basement was set up JUST for dancing! And dance we did!! Foreeeever. It was awesome. There was a black light, so everyone was glowing, and there were so many fun people. It was just goofy, and silly, and LOUD. I loved every second of it. That night seemed to go on and on and on. I think I got home around 2:30. Fabulous.
Tuesday night, November 2nd. Neon Trees came to SLCC!! They are one of my favorite bands. I went with TL and Lisette of course. And we met Batman and his group there, too. Actual conversation between Batman and I:
Him: You gotta save us space!
Me: Okay, but the floor will fill up quick, so you have to hurry.
Him: Alright, save room for... (counting under his breath) Nine.
Me: Nine?!
Him: Yup! We'll be there soon!
Seriously. I didn't know what to think. Like it was the easiest thing in the world to save room for nine people to stand together at a concert that was getting packed. But.. I did it!! :D Guess it wasn't so hard after all. I'm just a drama queen. (:
The concert was amazing, and so was Batman. We all had ten tons of fun- plus some! I heard a couple songs I had never heard before- which got me really excited. (New album?? Cross your fingers!) After the concert, everyone went to Yogurtland. Why? Because it's delicious! Soo much fun. I love my friends.
And finally, last night. Thursday, November 4th. We went DANCING. Batman and his huuuge group, and Lisette and I. I have to say, I LOVE the swing. And that's what it was! For four hours last night, it was the swing. And it was amazing. I got butterflies everytime Batman dipped me, or kissed my cheek, or spun me around. I learned new moves from dancing with other people, got to see Lisette meet new people and have this wonderful new experience, and I was able to let go of everything for those few hours and just have fun. It was wonderful. It definitely needs to become a regular thing for me. The downside? I am going to be so sore, it won't even be funny! But it was worth it. (:
So there's my spill about what Batman and I have been up to. I hope that sates your thirst for gossip(you know who you are.) And if you don't know me at all, and you're reading these very words, I commend you on getting through what was probably a very dull post!! I will leave you all with these words from a movie I have not seen:
Dancing is a conversation between two people. Talk to me.