Climbing/ Lights/ NaNo Note

Questions? (:

got soul?

Halloween

A little late..

Day 2

NaNoWriMo day 2! I'm still up on my word count(and a few words ahead) and I am having a blast. It's not too late to jump on the bandwagon! Just dash on over to www.nanowrimo.org, and take a peek. (: Much love to you!!

got soul?

First "write or die"

There is this truly incredible website here. Pretty much, say I want to write this many words in this much time.. And it opens a new window so you can. There are badges you can put on your websites, and there are red lights and scary noises when you're stuck. Super motivational to keep writing. (: Just in time for NaNoWriMo- which starts in less than 2 hours!!


"Sometimes I simply can't believe the situations I find myself in. Take this morning, for instance. I was just minding my own business, when, bam! A moose hits me in the head. No, not a real, live, angry one. Just a stuffed moose. A plain old thing. It was crazy! I have no idea where the thing came from. There was nothing special about the moose that I could see. It was plain and simple, if a little ratty. The stitching around one of the antlers was coming loose, and it had definitely been worn down. But like I said, nothing special that I could see. At least, until I turned it over."

got soul?

Going Wordless

From now on, I am going to attempt to use as few words as possible. My goal is to just post a picture- maybe two- to let you know what's been going down. It'll be quicker, and I think it will be fun. (: Any questions? Just email me or leave a comment. I'd love to hear what you think of whatever I post.
To start you off, here's a few photos of what I've been up to!

Notice that magical little word.. Toms!

Buh-bye! Have a wonderful time!

got soul?

U of U vs BYU

Backstory: We were watching the game at Iggy's with a few friends. I had a cold, and I was just in a snuggly mood, of course. This was the first game I had really watched, and Dave was teaching me about the game. We all decided at halftime that we were going to drive to one friends house. This conversation happened on the way to the car to head over there.

Me: When we get there, will you hold me?
Dave: Of course I will.
Me: Okay, good. But don't hold me like BYU holds footballs.
Dave: Why not?
Me: Because they don't.

Story time.

So, I was away for a while. I had a broken computer and such. And unfortunately, some pretty intense things were happening during the time I was gone, and I desperately wanted to blog.. But I couldn't. 

August 20th was my darling Aunt's wedding. I had been asked to be a bridesmaid, along with... Nichol. Yes, my biological mother. So I knew I would have to meet her. The closer the day (August 14th) that she would be here came, the more I freaked out. She posted on my facebook wall, "See you soon love!!!" (Verbatim to the exclamation points.) It scared me. Bad. I was an emotional wreck, and I'm certain I tested the patience of every single person who knew about it, probably pushing some people to their limits. I was nervous, and jittery, and crazy. I didn't know what to say or think or do. Thank heaven above for Dave and my parents. Without that support this could have gone very different. So now I might tell a story with some pictures. They will all be hers, because I didn't take any. I'm certain she won't mind.

I decided the first meeting would be at Yogurtland. It was public, and I wouldn't be trapped.

My support system. I was being difficult, and he was being my hero.

That's her. Nichol. I was very against touching her that first night,  and I think that was fairly obvious. This was about as close as I would get.

This was the next day. I had decided I wasn't going to let things be awkward or general, that we needed to get to know each other. So we went to Starbucks. She brought this shirt with her from Kansas for me. That day was much better. After Starbucks, we walked around the mall, and then...

We went to Keri's house. If you don't know Keri.. Well, she is a saint. She said things neither Nichol or I could, but things that needed to be said nevertheless. I talked to her for hours after Nichol left, and things ended up being really good. I was comfortable, and I felt much better. And unfortunately, her being here seemed to be mostly about me.

I had to pick up the dress for Alison's wedding(she's in the middle), and I ended up staying for dinner. I felt really good by then, and I could talk to Nichol just fine.. Without any help at all. (And I KNOW there were other pictures taken that night.. But lucky me, this was the only one that was easily accessible.)

I'm sure there's lots more photos I could have added, but I felt like these were the best to tell the story of her being here. She was here for a week. I think that was a good amount of time. Any longer, and I probably would have been screaming for a time out. Things went well, but I'm ready to settle down again. Emotional turmoil doesn't suit me. (:

That's the story! Any questions, anything I've left out, feel free to let me know. And now you know, too. About my crazy life. (:

got soul?

Another strikethrough.

Strikethrough:
Kiss someone in the pouring rain
With all the rain we've had lately, I'm sure you're as surprised as I am that I haven't been able to cross this off yet! But today, yet another item was crossed off my list. And it was fun! It was giggly, and it was a nice summer rain, so it wasn't too hot or too cold. Mother Nature sent us the perfect little downpour. I really did have a blast. You should put it on your list, too!
That's all for now. I just thought I'd get on the ball before it was old news.
How is everyone's "back to school" week going?

Signs?

Before I get right down to things- I find it very likely that I will be posting more on my other blog than this in days to come. Do not take that to mean I will be neglecting you! You can find my other blog here, but I do intend to still ravish you with whatever attention I can spare. After all, I love you dearly.. And this blog receives much more attention than my other. (Also- I seem to be incapable of correctly spelling "receiving" the first time. I before e, except after c...)
Today, something wonderful happened.. I had decided to attend an institute class with Dave. I walk into the room, and who is the teacher but Brother Paul Staples, my high school seminary president! I took that to be a sign and promptly signed up for the class. I stayed after and we talked for a good twenty minutes, catching up on things left behind. Talk about a blast from the past! Staples was a huge inspiration to me in my teens, and I am thrilled to be learning from him again. It was meant to be.
There have been a lot of signs lately. Some have been small, others- like the appearance of Brother Staples- have been enormous. I take that to mean I'm finally going the right way. It feels so good to be finding myself.
Life is so, so good. It does not do to dwell on thoughts of despair or misery when every day so far we've woken up to this beautiful world. Life is the greatest gift.. And I'm so happy about it. I love unwrapping this present every morning. I'm waking up earlier and earlier, making better and better decisions. Things are going right, and I feel good!

got soul?

The Screwtape Letters

I'm reading The Screwtape Letters, as my it says right next to my picture(unless you're reading this a long time from now.) Either way, I find it almost ironic.
Right now I am in the process of finding God. For those of you who have not read this book, it's letters from one devil to another, outlining ways to trap his "patient." I find it so interesting to be creating my own salvation whilst reading about the destruction of another's. Many of the ideas of the devil(not Devil) to beat down his patient are things I myself may be struggling with right now. It's quite the fresh perspective, and something to make you think..
As I type, am I frustrating a devil to distraction? Is a soul receiving a serious reprimanding for my successes, because they are his failures? Something to think about, to be sure.
What do you think? Is there suffering, even of a devil, because I am so elated? I encourage you to send me your thoughts- and also to read this book! Lewis is a master creator, thought-provoking and clear. If nothing else, I am enjoying the story. (:

I am SO SORRY!!

My computer has been down, as well as my internet. Both are quite obviously back up now, and I have so much to say! Unfortunately, I don't have a lot of time right now. But rest assured, I will be back. Back to tell you all the wonderful, crazy things that have been going on lately. Stay tuned!!

got soul?

Happy Birthday.

Today, as you probably know, is July 26th. What you may not know is that it's the birthday of the most beautiful girl I've ever met. She passed nearly 3 years ago, but I still like to celebrate. I wrote this poem not long after she left us. I'm not sure if I've posted it before. Either way, I hope you enjoy it. I know I do.

Happy Birthday Julia. A Jewel forever. <3

Left Me Alone

(a "found" poem)

Life stolen
Left me alone
Divine wings shone beneath me
Secret evenings together
Look:
Light.
Loud nights
Clear balance
Kept you easily, vainly
Quickly trapped
Everything strange, hiding, red
Why?
Chased glowing fire
Tiptoe
Cannot reach
Reach the top
Fell, burning
Hidden forever
Careful,
Hold tight
Never found.

got soul?

Makeup Lockup

Makeup Lockup

Makeup Throwout

This is my makeup. I put it in the box, locked it, and taped a note over the front. I don't need this- and neither do you. You are beautiful all on your own. You don't need powders, creams, and brushes to turn heads. I allowed myself mascara and eyeliner for special occasions, but every other single "makeup" item I have is either in the trash, or in this box. And I'm keeping it out, so I can see it every day, and remember why it's there. We don't need makeup. I am more than the prettiest face I can muster. I have thoughts, ideas, hopes, fears- and I don't need to be pretty for any of that. I'm not here to impress you with my perfectly tinted cheekbones, I'd rather catch you with my smile. I don't greet you with my delightfully colored eyelids, I want to captivate you with my eyes. I don't need the perfect tan when I've got a hearty laugh on my side. Do my insights matter when you're busy checking my eyeliner for flaws? Are my teeth white enough for your liking, my tan lines subtle enough that you won't notice? Well, I'm sick of caring. Who I am can't shine through layers of foundation, bronzer, coverup, mascara, eyeliner, eyeshadow, blush, lipgloss... All anyone should need is the chapstick in their pocket and the love in their hearts.

"Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart." -Kahlil Gibran

What I need from you, my friends, is support and love. I can be very self conscious without makeup, and I don't expect this will be easy. I could use all the love I can get.
Xoxo!!

40 things.

Today, I happened to click on a link that someone had posted to facebook, and it took me here. 40 Extraordinary Things Happening Right Now. Right now. I loved it! I had a smile on my face through the entire list, and somehow I feel like I will be exploring this blog extensively in the next few days. It seems like the kind of thing that changes people.
I know this was a really short post, but I would love it if you read the list and then come tell me what you think. Happy reading!!
Xoxo.

The Itch...

Well, I've got it again. The itch. And boy, is it ITCHY!!!
The itch to change.. Things are all the same again. But this craving is for a different kind of change.. I don't feel the urge to move my room around, to cut or dye my hair, to get a new car(though if you're offering, of course I won't decline). This isn't the itch to get a new look, go on a quick shopping spree, take a walk someplace new. I want change. I want to move to another country, build an orphanage for the homeless, go backpack through Europe, take a wild, crazy risk. I want to quit my job and go search for my soul on the beaches in Thailand, the mountains in New Zealand, the streets of Paris, the museums of Rome. I want to look for myself somewhere so far from home that it's almost silly.
I want to jump in my car, put in a mix of good old fashioned rock and good new indie, and drive. And drive. And drive. I want to end up somewhere I never expected, learn things I could not have fathomed, do things I would have never believed. I want to explore, to meet people, to feel. I want to hear a strangers story, maybe tell them mine. I want to learn, to teach, to grow.
This is a monumental itch, one that is entirely new to me. My soul is in here somewhere, and it is begging for me to scratch.

Ps..

He's mine.
Yep, that's all I have to say.
I finally have him, and I'm happier than I could have ever believed.
Love you all dearly. (:

Gratitude Challenge!

In my Mind/Body connection class, our teacher posed a challenge. It was the last day of class. This wasn't something we had to do, just something she suggested. She called it a gratitude challenge. It goes something like this..
Everyday for one year, write down 3 specific things you are thankful for.
That's it! And it sounds so fantastic. I've already started, and it really does make you feel better. Just spending a few minutes each day to write down the good things that happened makes such a huge difference. It leaves me focusing on the good things that happened that day instead of the bad. It's a huge reminder of everything in life their is to be thankful for. Life is such a huge blessing, and I think sometimes we forget that.
So this is me, challenging you!! Think about what you're grateful for in life, and if you're up for it, do the Gratitude Challenge. I promise it will be worth it!!

"If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, 'thank you,' that would suffice."
-Meister Eckhart

"God gave you 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one to say 'thank you?'"
-William A. Ward

Because I CAN.

I am going to CRY and SCREAM and SHOUT and YELL and HATE EVERYTHING. Why? Because I CAN.

I am going to LOVE and HOPE and DANCE and SING and LAUGH and LOVE EVERYTHING. Why? Because, damn it, I CAN.

I can do whatever the hell I want, be whoever I damn well please, act however I want- and I mean it!

I don't have to follow your rules, I don't have to walk your path, I don't have to like your face- even if I probably will. I don't have to be miserable because it's "in." I don't have to be uncomfortable because it's "hip." I don't have to be like you because it's "cool." I love me, he loves me, they love me for who I am. You don't have to, but you'd better be ready to accept it, because I deserve it. I deserve to be who I am, to be who I want to be, and lucky for the world, I know it. I can feel it, and I can see it, and I can do it!!

I'm gonna make mistakes, laugh until I cry, cry until I laugh, feel good, feel bad, do it wrong, do it right.

I'm gonna live my own life.

And I'll become someone amazing for it.

I'm dating a 27 year old. I'm not Mormon, though most of the people I'm around regularly are. I listen to weird music, have a weird style, and get weird ideas. I don't like being just another face, like everyone else, following the crowd. I want to be the chick that everyone looks at and thinks, "What the hell is she doing?" I dance in the aisles at the grocery store, throw my head back and laugh in the rain, run around in my bare feet. I love girly dresses. I also love getting so ridiculously dirty that it takes ages to clean it up. I love constant change. I crave the new. I drink in experience and wonder and the chaos that is life.

I'm gonna keep doing ALL of this- and hopefully even more. I hope you're ready, because it's gonna be one hell of a ride.

Spring Break

What did you do for Spring Break? California, maybe? A trip on a plane to somewhere warm and toasty? Did you work on your tan and meet someone intriguing on the beach? Pshaw, I say! Boring, conventional, positively normal! Did you ever think about spending the day playing in the rain and exploring locations you generally take for granted- with your best friend?!

Yes, that's right. I did something fabulous.

Lisette and I drove out to Antelope Island, and then explored the Hogle Zoo. Beautiful. We drove around for hours, listening to My Brother, My Brother, and Me, joking around, taking pictures. Pure bliss. I haven't had a day like that in a long time. These pictures are simply my end of the picture taking. She has oodles more on her camera. And it was a blast!

Seriously, though.. If you live in Utah, have you been to Antelope Island? And when was the last time you took a peek at those lovely critters in the zoo? If you don't live in Utah.. I'm sure there are many places nearby that you never even think about. Sitting around, Saturday afternoon, bored out of your wits, you may pine for a getaway. A vacation, something away from the monotony of your everyday. What about that little spot less than an hour from your front door? Do you think about that? I'm 19, and I am nearly ashamed to say this was my first trip to the island- but it certainly won't be my last. It was positively gorgeous, and I'm just dying to see it in the sunshine.

Not to say I didn't enjoy the rain. I love rain! We had the place nearly all to ourselves. It was breezy and sprinkly and fun. We got a little silly, and I have to say, I was head over heels in love with this day. Looking out over the Great Salt Lake, listening to rain drum on the roof of the car, just being.. Fabulous. The life to live, for certain.

And the zoo!! There were only a few other people there, so no lines, no crowds, no rush. Just a couple 4 year old teenagers running around and taking pictures. It was a blast. An experience I'm already longing to repeat.

So that's my Spring Break. A day full of mystery and adventure, just an hour from my house. I challenge you, the next time you need to escape, to escape somewhere nearby. Try it! See if maybe, just maybe, you actually enjoy it. (:

For you

This post is for you. Yes, you. My beloved audience, loving follower, first time reader.
This post is for you. Beautiful soul, vibrant creature, beating heart.
This post is for you. Drying tears, empty shell, lost purpose.
This post is for you.

You are beautiful. You are amazing, wonderful, delightful. You are a fantastic wreck. A steamroller of emotions, an ocean of tears, a terrified being. You are doing your best to make your way in this crazy world of ours. You scream, you cry, you laugh. You make mistakes, and you make wonders. You are a creator, a dreamer, a marvel. You feel alone sometimes. You often wonder if you can make it through the day. You shy away from the amazing potential that you have. You are frightened, nervous, uncertain. You feel as though you are stuck, as though you cannot be more than you are.

I am here to tell you.. You can. You can be anything and everything you can dream. I can see your potential, your beauty, even if you can't. I love you, and care for you, even when you don't. I believe in you. I know that you will do amazing, astounding, awesome things in your life. Whether you realize it or not, you are divine. Your heart is a thing to be envied. You are filled with love, hope, and passion. Every day is a gift for you to treasure, and to make of it what you will. And when you realize just how powerful you really are, that you are in control of who you can be, that you hold the key to your happiness.. All I can say is, I will rejoice that day. My faith in your strength is only paralleled by your capacity for greatness. Look within; you will find that greatness in yourself. I can help to show you the way, but the ultimate journey is yours. Please, for your sake, take that step.

Remember that I love you always. When you feel alone in the world, I am here for you. I will do everything in my power to make sure you know just how special you are. And I don't want you to ever forget.

Finishing the 30 day challenge..

A little late, for sure.
An art piece (drawing, sculpture, painting, etc) that means something to me.
- A song that makes me cry (or nearly)
- A drawing that I have done.
- A photograph of myself today + three good things that have happened in the past 31 days


Art piece:
Okay, I just spent like 20 minutes trying to decide what to give you.. And I've got nothing. So.. I love art. I am obsessed with arts festivals, museums, and just plain pretty pictures. I love fun designs, awesome crafts, funky music, the works. I will really try and think of something specific to put up, but my range is so broad, I just don't think it's going to happen.


A song that makes me cry:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UqfLVDIZcP8


A drawing that I have done:

I am NOT obsessed with starbucks!!... Okay, maybe I am. But I'm okay with that.


A Photograph of myself today and 3 good things:

This was actually last night, but I figure it's close enough. 3 good things..
1. I finished Pride & Prejudice!!
2. I have been dancing every single Monday & Thursday since I finished training at work.
3. The super cute guy from Studio asked for my number!!




So there's me finished. The challenge is OVA!!! Even if it took a lot longer than 30 days, I'm proud of myself. I hope I haven't bored you to death, and that maybe you've learned at least something interesting! Much love to you all. (:

A photo that makes me angry/sad - My dream house

This photo makes me extremely sad. That's my Jewel. My lovely Julia, who's been gone for about 2 and a half years.. Wow. It's been so long, but at the same time it feels like it's been a minute.

Isn't she beautiful?

My dream house..

That's tough. I want it big enough for my family, but not overly spacious. Cozy. (: I want it to be beautiful, quaint, eclectic, and fun. Mysterious. Maybe a little old-fashioned. A secret stairway would be fantastic. Somewhere it would be fun to explore. (: I dunno. That's just off the top of my head. But I think it would be great!

My favourite book - A photo that makes me happy

My favourite book.. Heavens, that's hard! If you know a thing about me, you know I love to read.. Dean Koontz is a biggie. And little kid books, The Giving Tree and Chrysanthemum. Bliss to You is amazing. Odd Thomas and the subsequent series. Angels and Demons, plus a few other Dan Brown books. I'm not ashamed to admit I love the Harry Potter series. And that's just the beginning!!

Freak! Just one picture?? Okay..

'67 Chevy Impala, a la Supernatural. Isn't it just.. Gorgeous? -sigh-

Something I could never get tired of doing.

Dancing. Oh my, dancing for sure. I love it. I looooovelovelove it. I love going country dancing at Studio, modern dancing and ballroom at school, and dancing around the aisles at the grocery store. I love dancing while I'm getting ready in the morning, getting ready for bed, and walking to the break room at work. I just LOVE to dance. And if you know me AT ALL, you know this is true. I can't hold my soul still.
I love to move. I love to feel the electricity through my whole body, fingertips to toes, inside and out, all over the place. Dancing is the most beautiful, pure thing I could ever do. It's the true expression of myself. I feel so fulfilled when I'm dancing, it's absolutely absurd. And there's nothing I would rather do every day for the rest of my life.

My celebrity crush..

Teehee..

And my personal favorite..

Get the picture?

5 of my biggest pet peeves

1. Negativity. We're here to enjoy life, so freakin enjoy it! You're just going to get yourself all depressed, angry, upset, and that makes you sick, so then it gets worse. Just not fun. \:
2. Debbie Downers. Not only are they miserable, they want everyone to be miserable with them. Lighten up a little. You'll have more fun. (:
3. Getting SUPER offended when no offense is intended. Not everything is a personal affront, and you're not going to get very far if you take it as such. Again, lighten up! You meet some cool people and learn some awesome stuff. (:
4. Stingy, high-and-mighty, proud. Whatever you want to call it. God created us all equal, and God doesn't make mistakes. It won't kill you to play in the mud every now and again. It could be the most valuable experience of your life.
5. Stupid infomercials in the middle of my cartoons! They're long, boring, and a complete disaster. Waste of my life.
So that's it! Apparently, those are 5 of my biggest pet peeves.. At least, what I thought of when I saw the prompt and panicked for ideas. (: Hope you enjoyed!

My worst habit

Hmm.. This one's tough. There's a few bummerific things that I do. Procrastinating, overthinking, overreacting.. Maybe my worst habit is being too neurotic? I'm not sure. What do you think??

(PS, Sorry it was so short.. This prompt was kinda boring..)

6 Days

I missed something like 6 days.. So now I get to catch up. Sorry.
1. A photo of something that makes me happy.

This is Batman. (: This photo was taken at a bonfire Friday, January 28th. I absolutely love it. (:

2. Something I crave a lot.

Frozen yogurt!! Oh, yay.. This one looks like it's from Yogurtland- which is my personal fave for froyo(in case you wanna score points..).

3. What's in my purse?
School stuff, mostly! Deodorant, pencils, makeup, a waterbottle, my planner.. Oh, and baby wipes. Yep, you read right, baby wipes. (:

4. A photo of something that means a lot to me.

Mine & Batman's feet (: I'm showing off my supportive Argyle socks. We were waiting for my keys to be delivered. He took this picture all on his own, and I love it. How is this something that means a lot to me, you may ask? It's the little things. Finding an opportunity in a somewhat smelly situation. He took this picture, and I thought it was absolutely adorable. I love this. It means the world to me that he thinks this stuff is important, that he looked at our feet resting on the same chair and thought, "Hey, I should take a picture of that!"

5. A photo of somewhere I've been to.
Here's a few pictures from my cruise. I love them all. (:

I don't want to totally overwhelm you, so I'll leave it at that. (:

6. A picture of me last year and now and how have I changed since then?

This is October 2009. My hair is longer, my room is different. I'm happier. I believe in life. I have no idea what else to say. (:

So this post is probably finished now! Thanks for putting up with my procrastinating nature.. Was that grammatically correct? Anyway, I love you!! :D

PS, my philosophy:

"For attractive lips, speak words of kindness. For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people. For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry. For poise, walk with the knowledge that you will never walk alone. People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed. Never throw out anyone."

-Audrey Hepburn