Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Argyle and Us Thieves in Concert!!!

THIS FRIDAY there is a show. A show every single one of you should come to. Click on these photos to see their profiles on Facebook and Reverbnation! Please.. If you love me. (:

"Argyle" on facebook.

"Argyle" on reverbnation.

Listen to their music. Please. What they have uploaded is just a taste of the real thing. They are so fantastic! And I'm sure you will love them as much as I do. (:

One last link: This is the event on facebook. All the information to come see this amazing group play- free! And if you become a fan, you can be in on all future events, too. Pleeease just take a peek! I can promise you won't regret it! Then come back here, and let me know what you think. You can comment on this post, or email me. Just let me know what you think so I can pass it on to the band!

They hope to have 1,000 fans on facebook by New Years. I think they could do it- but they need your help! So please, if you like them the way I do, share them with your friends! Spread the good word of love. (:

Thank you all, so much, for your love and support! Forever yours, Me. (:

Thursday, December 2, 2010

I want to teach.

Watch this video. It is a video of Taylor Mali's poem, "What Teacher's Make." It's edited, you can find the unedited version on youtube. I was trying to be somewhat censored. (:

I love this poem.

Taylor Mali is so inspiring. I've always wanted to teach, always. I have tried to deny that fact often, for whatever reason. I didn't want to do that much schooling, they don't make enough, whatever. It doesn't matter. I do want to teach. And accepting that fact is hard. It won't be the easiest future, it won't make me rich. But I think I would be happy. I think about being a part in forming the next generation, giving them hope, helping them grow, and I get so excited! I feel like I could do it, and do a good job of it.

Teaching is so sacred to me. I feel like they have such an important role in life.. Something anyone should be honored to do. I love it. Everyone has that one teacher they loved, the teacher that changed them. I want to be that teacher. I want to get emails from students long since gone that tell me how their life is going and how much I helped them. I feel like that would be so rewarding.

I want to matter in the life of others.

And I want to do that by making them feel like they matter.

I think it's a good plan. (: Don't you?

Monday, November 22, 2010

I thought I wanted the World to Know..

I thought I wanted every single person on this Earth to know. I wanted to paste it all over the internet, hang a banner from my window, put a bumper sticker on my car. I wanted to tell every person I met, whether they asked about it or not. I wanted my very soul to shine it through, for everyone to see it in my eyes. I wanted my heart on my sleeve.

But now..

Now, I couldn't be more glad I was cautious. I want to sit, in quiet reflection, and be thankful. Thankful it was slow, and sweet. Thankful I kept it close, and hidden, and safe. And that the world doesn't know. Because if the world knew, they would ask. And wonder. And pry. I don't want them to wonder. I want to smile, and dance, and laugh. I don't want a single soul to think there is a reason I shouldn't, because there isn't. Even if the world doesn't know, I really am happy. Happy I made the right decision, even if it felt like the wrong one. Happy you made the right decision, too. And I will see you, and smile, and it will be just like it was before. There is nothing to be afraid of, nothing to worry about. We will be okay.

Even if I thought, for a minute, I might love you.. We both knew it couldn't be. There were no expectations, no promises, we did nothing wrong. Everything was in order. I didn't tell a  single soul how I thought I felt, because I knew all this. Only now, when we're through, can I admit it to myself. And only a little. It was a maybe, a possibly, not a surety. How I felt no longer matters. And truly, leaving you now, could have been the best thing for both of us. I believe it was. Before we got too attatched, before we changed too much. You're still in my life, and you're still so important to me. But we made the right decision.

You'll never know what you did for me. You made me think.. About myself, about my future, about the world around me. You talked to me, forced me to have my own opinions, and to back them up. You helped me realize so much about myself. You were the best thing for me.

Now that part of our lives is over, but I will take that with me. I will keep the sense of self you unkowingly helped me find. And I will be better for it.

I can't wait to see you tomorrow.

Not because I miss you, though I do, but because you are my friend. My wonderful, amazing friend. And I will be grateful always for the friend I've found in you.

(: xo.


update: i was completely full of it when i wrote this. i was not happy, but i was trying to convince myself i was/ could be. but i fixed it. i righted the wrong. and now we're happy. (: i can't believe i almost let myself lose the most amazing man i have ever met. a special thank you to lisette. she really saved us. and i am.. happy. (:

Friday, November 5, 2010

Dancing with Batman. (:

A lot has been going on! Stella broke, Stella was fixed. I forgot to do my budget for finance, got asked by the cute kid in social dance for my number, fought with my brother, my parents, my cat, got sick, got better, work, work, work, and school, of course. I've seen the movie Red, watched the Crazies yesterday, Despicable Me again. I haven't read in who knows how long. And that's not even the half of it!! But quite obviously, this post is about Batman, and things that have happened with him. Let's start with October 29th.
That was the Neon Night for SLCC. It was a blast! Glow sticks, black lights, music. I went with Lisette and her buddy Tanner. We met Batman and his friends there. Before I go on, let me just say: Batman does not do hip hop. He doesn't know how to dance to it. But he does anyway, which is part of why I like him so much! He's really quite hysterical. (: We were there for probably an hour and a half. Then Batman and his trusty sidekick, partner in crime(or heroic-ness), Robin(haha! That code name totally made itself up.) came over to Lisette's with us, where we watched When in Rome. Super funny movie! Batman and I cuddled on the couch, and it was beautiful. That boy has some safe arms.
The next night was fake- Halloween. What I like to call a Utah holiday. Batman came to our traditional family chili with me. It was great! Everyone seemed to like him, and he definitely liked all of them. He just sat in his chair like a good boy(haw, haw) and watched. I love the fact that he doesn't need to be right with me every single second. He didn't mind that I was across the room. He paves his own path in every social situation, making friends with everyone, just being an all-around sweetie. He fit in great in my opinion.
Side note- I saw my "long lost" uncle that night!! And met his super cute son. But again, that's not what this post is about. Just haaaad to say it. (:
After chili and going to my house for a bit, we went party hopping with his awesome group of friends. And I'm tellin ya, the parties just got better!! We only went to three, but that was plenty. I was dressed as a go-go girl, and my wig came off at the second party. You just can't dance with a bright pink bob! I met some amazing people, and did some dancing of course. But things really got going at the last party. The basement was set up JUST for dancing! And dance we did!! Foreeeever. It was awesome. There was a black light, so everyone was glowing, and there were so many fun people. It was just goofy, and silly, and LOUD. I loved every second of it. That night seemed to go on and on and on. I think I got home around 2:30. Fabulous.
Tuesday night, November 2nd. Neon Trees came to SLCC!! They are one of my favorite bands. I went with TL and Lisette of course. And we met Batman and his group there, too. Actual conversation between Batman and I:
Him: You gotta save us space!
Me: Okay, but the floor will fill up quick, so you have to hurry.
Him: Alright, save room for... (counting under his breath) Nine.
Me: Nine?!
Him: Yup! We'll be there soon!
Seriously. I didn't know what to think. Like it was the easiest thing in the world to save room for nine people to stand together at a concert that was getting packed. But.. I did it!! :D Guess it wasn't so hard after all. I'm just a drama queen. (:
The concert was amazing, and so was Batman. We all had ten tons of fun- plus some! I heard a couple songs I had never heard before- which got me really excited. (New album?? Cross your fingers!) After the concert, everyone went to Yogurtland. Why? Because it's delicious! Soo much fun. I love my friends.
And finally, last night. Thursday, November 4th. We went DANCING. Batman and his huuuge group, and Lisette and I. I have to say, I LOVE the swing. And that's what it was! For four hours last night, it was the swing. And it was amazing. I got butterflies everytime Batman dipped me, or kissed my cheek, or spun me around. I learned new moves from dancing with other people, got to see Lisette meet new people and have this wonderful new experience, and I was able to let go of everything for those few hours and just have fun. It was wonderful. It definitely needs to become a regular thing for me. The downside? I am going to be so sore, it won't even be funny! But it was worth it. (:
So there's my spill about what Batman and I have been up to. I hope that sates your thirst for gossip(you know who you are.) And if you don't know me at all, and you're reading these very words, I commend you on getting through what was probably a very dull post!! I will leave you all with these words from a movie I have not seen:
Dancing is a conversation between two people. Talk to me.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Super quick catch-up post!

I have to hurry and strikethrough:
Visit another country and
Go on a cruise AND
Go out dancing!!!
The first two were a given- I posted about the cruise. I just never threw in the official crossing-off-the-list thang. (; But you haven't yet heard about dancing!!
Batman. Baatmaaan. Met him in my country western dance class. He's a total sweetheart. (: He took me rock climbing with his friends(me! Rock climbing!), and then he played the piano for me and maaade(; me sing with him, and then he took me to cafe rio for dinner, and then we went out dancing. Weird.. Our date was less than a week ago. I feel as though it's been forever. We've seen each other outside of class twice since the date. And it was not enough! But this is about the dancing, for my list, not about that darling boy.
Dancing was amazing!! Studio 600 does country dancing Tuesday and Thursday nights. 8-9 they actually have lessons. We got there around 8:40, so we got to learn a couple new moves. The "sexy dip," and a lift. We totally got it down! We left at about 11:30. Seriously, almost THREE HOURS of dancing! Not too many breaks. And western swing takes MAJOR energy. It was rad. (: Definitely has to happen again!!

Let me sneak this in here: on facebook, there's been some major butting of heads about a talk at Mormon conference this weekend. Boyd K. Packer said some things about homosexuality that did not need to be said. I really have not minded defending it on just about every status I've commented on. It's something of a headache, but then I think.. I would almost loove to be hated for something I believe in. Why?
Because that means that I believed in something strongly enough for someone else to know, and care. And that matters. Because when that person hates you, they are going to help the people that don't hate you find you, and support you. They will make you famous. I desperately want to believe something strongly enough that it's well known, that someone considers me a threat. I want to be that inspiration for those that are afraid to voice their opinion.
-sigh- I'm a little dramatic.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

"Love Deserves Respect."

It sooo does.
2010 Allies Dinner was beautiful. I teared up, many times. I laughed, I gasped, I ate. I met wonderful, beautiful people I have been waiting and waiting and hoping and hoping to meet. I had so much fun! The people there really truly care about what they're doing. There were no stuck up snobs looking down at me- unless of course I didn't see them. 1,560 people, there's no way I met every one.
And seriously, 1,560!!! That is so beyond fantastic! This dinner is just getting bigger! And it will continue to grow, until even the Grand Ballroom at the Salt Palace can't contain us. I have some serious faith in these people.
For those of you who don't know: The Allies Dinner was organized by a group called Equality Utah. They do sooo much, but a big part is gaining rights for the LGBT community in Utah. And they're doing it! And they will continue to do it!! And I'm SO EXCITED to be part of it!!!
I loved every moment of last night. It was so inspirational, so motivational, so damn right that there's no way it could have not touched my heart and soul! If you support this cause(and you should!) then go next year! Save up now, plan ahead, get ready, 'cause here they come!
I would like to tell you for just a second about the people in this beautiful organization. They work, around the clock, to help other people. They are doing their best to make sure there isn't another sad story, there isn't another reason to cry, there is no more misery. They want that day in the future, where this fight is so far in the past that no one remembers what it was about, to be tomorrow! Today! Yesterday! And so do I!!
My favorite might have been Dustin Lance Black. He was stunning. When he bore his testimony, of what he knew to be true, right, and good, I thought I might lose it. He used to be Mormon. And he accepted himself. And he's so wonderful. Hearing him talk.. You could tell he was made to be in front of people. (Seen Milk? Look it up.) He was so compelling, so earnest. He really believes in this work. It's awesome(in the awe sense) to see that sort of passion. Passion is what these people live on. Seeing that passion light up those faces.. True love. I was astonished at what I saw and heard last night. I have been changed, possibly forever. Hopefully forever. I already can't wait for next year.
Thank you, EU. All you wonderful people who set that up, I'm sure you knew what you were doing. And I commend you for it.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Too busy to blog?

Life has gotten pretty topsy-turvy on me lately- but in a very, very good way. I find myself with less and less time for reflection, with more and more to reflect upon! It seems a little backwards, but honestly, I'm loving it. I love love love this day, this moment, right here. I've got a car! (For those of you that know me, this is huge.) I can't believe how much easier life got the moment that car was registered, drivable, mine. I don't have to find a way to work anymore, I can drive my friends around, I don't have to borrow from my mom! The independence that came with my car is unbelievable. It's so refreshing to feel like I'm my own person. Things finally seem to be going in the right direction, and it's positively wonderful. I feel strong, confident, sure of myself. I haven't felt this way in a long time.
I always say attitude is everything, but I don't think I was taking my own advice. And I should have been! The more I think about the good things in my life, the better I feel. Sure, life's not perfect, but who cares?! It's not supposed to be!!! And again, I love it. Lovelovelove it. Carpe diem, carpe noctem. Sieze the day, sieze the night. I'm siezin like crazy, baby. (; It's hard to believe my entire outlook on life has turned around in such a short time. I thank God every single day for what he's given me.
Me and my light up backpack, walkin through the parking lot, loving the sunshine and smell of fresh cut grass. That's my moment. Lisette next to me, school behind me, and a beautiful, unknowable future ahead of me. What could be better than that? (Except sharing it with all of you, of course!)
Carpe diem, carpe noctem.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Alaskan Cruise

This cruise was beautiful. A little chilly, but super super gorgeous. So much fun. It was very odd being waited on all the time! I didn't have to do anything for myself. Great for lazy old me. (:
The first stop was in Juneau. It was drizzly, breezy. We took a tour that took us through town and to the Mendenhall Glacier. It was huge! And there were a couple spots that were a beautiful deep blue.. Like something else. (; But we'll talk about that later.. I didn't see any awesome wildlife, but there was a lot of salmon streams, which were kinda cool. When we finished with the tour we ate in a restaurant/bar called Hangar on the Wharf. We all got halibut and fries(except Coby) and it was DELICIOUS!! Fresh fish by the ocean. Definitely something all fish-lovers should experience.
I feel like I'm missing a day.. Anyway.. We'll talk about Glacier Bay, that's the next day I remember haha. There were a couple channels with gooorgeous glaciers in there. My mom and I got to see the biggest one calving. Awesome white thunder. (: Then I went off for my pedicure, which was fabulous. Lorna was a magical woman! Made my bee sting feel much better, oddly enough. Super awesome.
In Sitka, we had the most beautiful weather they've had all season. Didn't need to wear my jacket. It was a small town, way fun to explore. Lots of fun with the fam. (:
Ketchikan wasn't too special.. A lot like Juneau, without the rain. We went on a fun tour there. We were supposed to see bears but we didn't. ): If I'm remembering right, that was Wednesday night.. The magical one. (: I went to the Crows Nest with a few kids I have met, and he was there. Brandon. Amazing. He asked me to dance, and it just got better from there. (: (: (: We went to the hammocks and stayed there til just before the sun came up! We didn't mean to, but with the time change, that's just how it worked out. Then we went back to the room he was sharing with his cousins(whom I had already met) and fell asleep for a couple hours in his bed. We hung out part of that day, and he came to see a comedian with me and my parents. That night we docked in Victoria(which I didn't much enjoy) and I was on shore for about an hour. Later I went to the boys' room and hung out with Brandon and his cousin Mikael. I think I spelled that right.. Anyway, Brandon was too tired to go dancing again, and so was I. I ended up falling asleep with him again. Aaaaall night. Best nights I had on that cruise were with him. He was the sweetest, most romantic guy I've ever met. He was so fantastic. He made me feel like the most special girl on the face of the planet. And I really had a lot of fun.
So I think that's most of my cruise. I'm too tired to get more in, but I'm sure I will eventually.
Oh! And I would recommend this cruise- fantastic! Just not a lot for kids. Coby was mostly bummed. He still had fun though.
So that's it for now. I hope it satisfied. I'll try to answer any questions.. For the most part. (: Ta!

P.S.- this is a super secret photo, you must keep it in your heart and take it to the grave! Just kidding. (: Sorta.. (:


Monday, August 30, 2010

Saving Starfish

My bestie Lisette told me this story, and it really hit me. So I'm gonna share it.

A man was walking along a beach covered in starfish. He stepped over and around them, paying them no mind. He soon came upon a small boy, picking up starfish and throwing them back into the water. The man stopped the small boy and asked him, "Why are you throwing the starfish back? It's pointless. You'll never save them all. This doesn't matter." The boy stooped and picked up a starfish, holding it up for the man to see. "

It matters to this one.

" He then threw the starfish into the water. The man saved one, and then another, and another. Soon others came to help. And together, they rescued starfish until the sun went down.

Isn't that just beautiful?! I love it. No matter how little you help, it matters. Any small act of kindness, any smile, any grain of compassion, can make a difference. You know, like a butterfly flapping it's wings that sets off a hurricane on the other side of the world? But the positive side!! This idea just fills me so much with hope I can hardly stand it. Just think- when you saw that lady at the store the other day, and she dropped that paper that you picked up, what did that do for her? Maybe she went home and helped her son with his homework instead of locking herself in her room and being miserable. And maybe the next day her son went to school and stood up for a kid at recess and made a new friend, instead of sitting in the library with a tutor. And maybe those kids will grow up together and one will save the others life, and he'll grow up to be super important, and that could really happen! You just don't know! And that is so beautiful. So wonderful. Soooo fantastic. Sometimes I love this crazy thing called life.
So think about it.. Try to think about the people around you. Think of what they may be going through, and smile at them. Smile, say hello, compliment their hair. Don't think it won't make a difference.
"It matters to this one."

Friday, August 27, 2010

Let's talk about.. College!!

So I've just finished my first week of college- if three days can be considered a week. It started on Wednesday. I have to say.. I absolutely love it. I love the thrill of seeing cute guys, meeting new people, figuring out my schedule. I love having a reason to get all dolled up for a day. I even love getting up at five in the morning.. Well, maybe I don't love that. But I do love why I get up so early. It's fantastic.
There were a few kinks in my schedule, and I'm not too happy with the way some of them turned out. I am content, however, because guess what? I can go next semester! O:= And next semester I will definitely register earlier so I can be sure to get all the classes and times I want. For now, I've got some pretty good stuff going on. (: Yoga, social dance, guitar.. And some crazy stuff I never thought I would take- finance, analysis of argument.. Weird. But I think I like it.
My financial aid still hasn't gone through.. Which could possibly pose a problem in the future. (Ha, possibly pose a problem. I think that sounds funny.) But I'm not too worried about it. I've got myself convinced it will go through just fine, and that conviction is not without reason. So for now I'm just playing the waiting game. I think for being such an impatient person, that's a game I play remarkably well. :P
I'm so excited to be going to college. I feel like this is the door to doing something worthwhile with my life- although I still have no idea what it is, I'm sure this can help me get there. I don't know if they will be upset with me mentioning this(love you mom and dad) but neither of my parents finished college. My dad dropped out and my mom never even started. I have hope that if I can just get to my associates, just two years, I will never be stuck where they are now- dead end jobs, dickhead bosses, and unable to give their family what it wants. I love my parents with all I am and it breaks my heart to see them here. I don't want my children to feel the same.
Not to say I intend to stop with an associates. I'm sure I will go above and beyond! But that is a milestone I will celebrate.
College has never really been an option for me. I always knew I would go- I just didn't know where or when. To be honest, I wasn't going to go this semester. I'm glad my friends convinced me to. It's a decision I wouldn't take back for the world.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm really ready for college. I have no money, no plan, no set-in-stone future. I'm extremely childish(in a good way, I think), and I've no idea if I'm ready for this. But I like to think I am. I like to believe that this is where I'm meant to be, right here, right now. That I'm going the right direction, and the rest will come with time. I believe that with all my heart.
So that's all I have for now. I'm sure there will be more about college as the year progresses. But for now, all I have to say is "Le coeur a ses raisons, que la raison ne connait point." Adieu. (:

Friday, August 20, 2010

Gay rights fight is global! :D
".. There really are not nonreligion-based reasons to exclude same-sex couples from marriage."
I teared up a bit when I read that. This is such a hopeful article.. Makes me think maybe I don't mind this time and place so much. (:
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Monday, August 2, 2010

A big part of my past.

I guess it's time for a post about Nichol.
A little backstory, just in case you need it: Nichol is my biological mother. She left when I was four. I don't remember her leaving. I've heard so many stories about it I can't honestly know for sure what happened. But she did leave. Through the years, my mom didn't want to know anything. So I didn't know anything. I didn't know where she was, who she was with, or.. Even if she was alive. At eighteen I was contacted through facebook by Michael Rodriguez, who told me a little bit about how Nichol and I had lived with him for a couple years and so on and so forth. Then he said that he had her myspace info. That was a huge shock. I went on myspace(which I hadn't been on for months), and there she was. In my inbox. Telling me happy birthday and she misses me and she loves me. I think I went crazy for a while. Life was a huge loopy rollercoaster. I cried gallons of tears, used up so many minutes and texts. I didn't know what to do. Finally I decided I should just.. Talk to her. I could always make the decision that I didn't want to anymore, but I knew in my heart I could never do that.
So I talked to her. We would message on facebook, text. Whatever. On July 14th I called her for the first time. For her birthday. After I hung up, I cried a bit. I'm not sure why I cried. I guess the whole situation is a lot more emotional for me than I admit.
She always says she's so grateful I'm giving her this chance, that I'm willing to talk to her. But seriously, I never considered not letting her into my life. There's all the questions she could answer. My past doesn't have to be a jumbled mystery anymore. I can know who I am. But..
I'm scared. Sooo scared. More than I've told anyone, I'm terrified. I know I really shouldn't be, there's no reason I can think of for this fear. But I can't shake it.
I remember, when I was a little kid, I would be laying in bed. Just laying there, staring at the ceiling, thinking she must have left because she didn't want me. I must not have been good enough for her, or else surely she would have stayed, right? Maybe she wasn't the only one I wasn't good enough for. Maybe just one more disappointment and my mommy and daddy would leave me too. Maybe I wasn't good enough for anyone and I would end up all alone in the world. You can't imagine the dark roads my mind would lead me down. I know now that it isn't true, not at all, but those thoughts were there. Can you imagine thinking that- as a child?? Thinking you were worthless? I can hardly believe that I felt that way. I am so loved I could explode. And yet I was afraid I would be alone.
I feel like I should tell her all about my past, so she can catch up on what she missed. But should I tell her things like that? Should it all be sunshine and daisies, or should she know the bad stuff, too? Do I tell her about Julia? About my problems, about my fears? Or should I just tell her about the good school dances, my favorite classes, and leave out the stuff that hurt me?
I'm not one to be spiteful.. I want to spare her from knowing how she hurt me. But is that the right thing to do? Would that be a mistake? I just don't know. I couldn't stop talking to her, but I just don't know what I can talk to her about. Are there limits to this sort of thing? She's not my mom, so does that mean she can't know everything my mommy does? I wish there was a guidebook or something. Something to let me know I'm not screwing everything up.
That ended up going a lot deeper than I was planning, but that's the story. My crazy, kooky, wacko life story. I still don't think I'd trade it for anything. It's made me who I am- and I'm pretty sure I like me. (:

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Thursday, July 29, 2010


How free is someone when they can't marry the one they love? How free is someone when they can't raise their own child? How free is someone when they can't have a happy, legally binding, loving family? How free is someone when they are denied what they love and want most because they are considered wicked and dangerous? How free when they are considered less than everyone else?
One of the most amazing women I have ever met is a lesbian. She was married in California(before Proposition 8), loves her wife, has 2 daughters, a stepson, and a dog. She was denied the right to see her first daughter by the courts because of some awful lies. But not entirely because of those lies. She lost her wonderful girl because of INTOLERANCE, HATE, and FEAR. She had to be sneaky to adopt her second, the state she lives in won't even acknowledge the marriage with her wife. Thank God there is no dispute about her dog- though I'm sure some would love to try. (Dry humor..)
My point isn't to make you feel sorry for her. My point is that this is WRONG. I absolutely hate that I have it easy- just because I'm heterosexual. What moron thought they were God and decided my life should be easier than hers? And why did anyone agree? She is by far a better person. She is so grateful for what she has, she is a wonderful mother, she is a fighter. And you should see her face when she looks at her wife. So why is it that I can have as many babies as I want, get married as many times as I want, and no one will tell me I can't? And more disturbing, why is it that she DOESN'T have these rights??? And she's not the only one! There are countless wonderful, amazing, beautiful people out there that are suffering because of who they are. Again, this is wrong.
I hate how easy my life is. I hate that I never have to stand up for myself. I hate that I get strawberries and cream while lgbt's get prejudice and bigotry. I don't think I would be strong enough to stand in their shoes. They are tough. They are hated. I respect them.
I understand every community has their black sheep. I don't claim to love them all- I don't know them. But I respect that they work so hard just to fit in where I find myself so easily accepted. No one can tell me this is what God wants. I can guarantee he's cried- he's crying- over the horrible things people are doing. I know I've cried, and God has much more compassion.
I know this post isn't like they usually are. This one was a bit more angry, more of a rant. But this has been building up. And it's wrong. I wish there was something I could do. -sigh-
The pain I've seen is sick. I don't understand how a person can hate someone else so passionately- someone they don't know. No one could meet the aforementioned woman without loving her instantly- she is that sunny. The rudeness she's experienced has nothing to do with who she is- it's what she is.
Tell me that doesn't make you want to puke.

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Monday, July 26, 2010

Happy birthday Jewel!!

Geezum Jewel, can you believe we're 19? I remember us talking about how when we turned 18 we would move out and find an apartment. I guess life kinda gets in the way sometimes, huh?
What are you doing to celebrate your birthday? I'm sorry I can't visit today. You know how it is.. Chores, work.. But I'll come see you soon, promise.
Since the beginning of July I've thought about how this day was coming. It hits me harder that it's your nineteenth birthday than it hit me that it was mine! Seems like only yesterday we were just turning 17, going to lagoon, sitting on your front porch, giggling-talking-laughing-crying. I knew all your secrets. You knew all of mine. Crazy how time changes things.
Today is so bittersweet. I love thinking about you and feeling you in my life. But I wish I could tell you happy birthday in person. I wish I could sing to you, give you a present, watch you blow out candles, maybe shove some cake in your face or surprise you with all your friends. I wish I could have called you at midnight and woken you up, embarrassed you in front of everyone we came in contact with, taken you out to lunch. I'm going to tell myself that you can read this- and I hope to God you know how much I love and miss you. I'm pretty sure He'll be sympathetic on this account. Everyone deserves a happy birthday from the people they love.
One day, I'll see you honey. One day you'll give me a hug, and we'll catch up on old times. We'll giggle-talk-laugh-cry and everything will be like it was. But it's not time yet. I'll have to make do with whispering to you at night, writing to you on my blog, praying to you when things get unbearable. And hoping/praying/knowing you get every word.

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Sunday, July 25, 2010

Hmmm Happy? (:

"When the sun shines, I bask in it. When the rain falls, I dance in it. When the moon glows, I think in it. When a person smiles, I imitate it. What room is there for misery??" I wrote this quote today, and I think I kinda love it. Sometimes I give myself some pretty good advice. (:
I'm uber exhausted. Worked all day yesterday, then babysat last night. Barely made it through work today. But then I came home, took a bath, relaxed a bit. And I was reminded once again that life is wonderful, the world is beautiful. (:
I just think it's a good idea to be happy. I dare you to argue with me. (;

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Thursday, July 22, 2010

(who i want to be..)

I think I know who I wanna be. But I'm not that person, so I'm not gonna think about it. Maybe one day I'll be brave enough to be who I want. I don't think I'll have a choice when it comes down to it. I know that who I want to be is great, but I'm not ready to think of myself as that person. I don't know if I'm strong enough to be her.. That girl I can see.. And I don't want to be let down. I don't want to pretend at all. I don't want to not be sure about who I am, to feel like it's not something I can be. When I'm ready to be who I am, it will be a wonderful transformation. Because who I want to be is a wonderful person. She's not afraid to stand up for what she believes. She's open and decisive..
I said I wasn't gonna think about it. I'm a liar face. :P But I didn't mean it, promise! One day I'll get there.. But not today. Today I'm still 19. Probably more naive than I think. Flighty, opinionated, and often wrong. I'm not ready. But I know I will be. And hopefully, that's enough.

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Monday, July 19, 2010

Random thought..

Okay so let's be honest here, I know nothing about politics. But it seems in the last election, all I heard was that "McCain is old, Hilary's a woman, and Obama is black." Previous elections I seem to remember hearing at least something about their views, or what people liked or disliked about what they were promising. So here's the thing..
Obama is president. Obviously. And I hear a LOT of complaining about it. But seriously, Americans voted him into power! I haven't heard one person saying good things about him. I just have to wonder if people focused so much on the diversity that they lost sight of what really mattered this time. I thought a black president would be good for America, but I didn't voice my opinion because I didn't know what he stood for. I just hope Americans didn't make a mistake trying to do the right thing. You look too hard for the forest, you're gonna get lost in the trees. I think that's a little apt, I hope it makes sense to you.
Anyway, that's what I was just thinking about. I could be full of bologna, I definitely don't know the whole picture. But that's just kinda what I'm confused about right now. That's what I get for trying to think at one in the morning. (:
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Saturday, July 3, 2010

4th of July.. Or not..

Can I just say.. I am very upset that the 4th is being celebrated on the 3rd this year. I understand that it's a Sunday, but in my opinion, that is just an excuse. God will forgive us for celebrating our independence on Sunday. We came to this country partially to be free of religious persecution. No one wants a religion forced upon them. It just seems a little backwards to me that here in our state that is exactly what's going on. All the celebrating happening on the third simply means to me that we really don't control our own lives as much as we seem to think. In my opinion, holidays shouldn't be moved around just because of the day it's on- except the ones that are supposed to. I'd be willing to bet that they celebrated the fourth on the fourth every single year- Sunday or not- in the years following the signing of the Declaration of Independence.
So what's happening here? Am I the only one who feels this doesn't make sense? Or is this a small change that's going to grow and grow?..

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Monday, June 28, 2010

Utah Arts Festival!

I love love LOVE the arts festival! I went twice this year, and let's be honest.. It just wasn't enough! But I had sooooooooooo much fun. (: I went on Friday with Sam. (Adventure: We had to go to his bank so he could get cash. Ran out of gas. Walked across the street to the gas station. Brought gas back and dumped it in the car. DID NOT wait for any amount of time before starting the car and driving to the gas station. Car died again in the middle of the intersection. Sam jumped out to push, I steered. Lovely people standing on the sidewalk came to help. Got gas, went to the festival. (: Adventure.) We discovered Kevin Eslinger's work- which is absolutely fantastic! (    Check it out!) I bought two prints from him, and then I got a caricature. T'was rather fabulous. We left a few minutes after eleven.
I went again yesterday(Sunday) with Lexi. That was also a blast! Aaaaaaand- I get to cross something else off my list!!!!
Flirt with a handsome stranger.
I flirted with the fella selling pizza, hehehe. (: Lexi and I were standing in the food area, debating pizza. I asked her if I really wanted pizza, and she started laughing and said, "Pizza guy says you do!" So I looked over, and the gorgeous man sitting behind the cash register was staring at us and nodding. So we got pizza. (: And might I add: It was totally delish!
Lexi bought one of the same prints from K.E. that I did- the cheshire cat, if you check out his site. I also got the Alice that's holding a white cat. (:
So I think I hit all the main points. And I can't wait for next year!!!

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Gives Me Hope.

At work, a guy was buying some vinyl. 10 yards at 12.99/yard. No coupon, and it wasn't on sale. That's quite the chunk of change if you ask me. He got his card out and was ready to swipe, when a lady that was in line walked up and handed him her coupon. She told him she would only have saved a couple of dollars, and he could use it more than she could. So we used the coupon, and it saved him just over fifty dollars. He finished paying, and turned to the lady.
"What can I do for you?" He asked her.
She smiled and replied, "Not much, sir." The guy left, and I rang up the woman. She was very polite, but she didn't seem to understand why it was such a big deal to me. I honestly think she just felt anyone would do the same. And all I could think, as she walked out the door, was this:
Karma smiles on you.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Highlight from the Supernatural Season Finale (CAUTION:: A Tad Bit of Language.)

Castiel: Hey, ass-butt!
(Adam turns... [Well, Michael.])
(Burning, screaming)
Lucifer: Did you just molotov my brother with holy fire?
Castiel(Kind of laughing & smiling nervously): Uhh... No?

Hehe.. "Shrooming" at work!

So last night, I worked three to close. We close at seven on Sundays, so it wasn't really a daunting evening in my opinion. Day shift notified us that we had been slower than a snail stuck in syrup all day, so the store was clean and everything was finished. Karen was the closing manager, Marcia was the Guest Service Lead, and Vanessa and I were the cashiers. Karen had me and Vanessa work over in seasonal. First we had to organize the pots, which is a lot funnier in hindsight! Pot, shrooms... Hahaha, get it? Oh wait, you won't get it yet. I have to finish my story first. (:
After the pots, we were doing "T" tables. They're tables near the front of the store. They have shelves and pegs on them, and they're filled with seasonal products. The "T" tables are the first thing a guest will see when they walk in the door, so we try to keep them lookin' pretty! One table had some gnomes on it, and there were no more of the same gnomes in the back. So instead, we found some stinkin cute mushrooms! And that is where the party began.
After we brought up the mushrooms, we realized what a silly mood we were in(we'd been laughing and giggling all day), so we blamed it on the "shrooms." We informed everyone that we were shrooming, and laughed our way through the rest of our projects. Everyone thought it was absolutely hilarious- especially Karen!
So that was my day at work.. Does that make me a druggie?????

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Sun Factory.. Hehe.

So today we went to tour the Sun Factory. They had a huge carnival and everything. James and Rachel invited us. (: [Rachel works for Sun. She just works in the offices downtown. She always brings home new products and stuff. Sometimes she shares. (:]
Sun Factory produces snuggle products..

We got to meet the snuggle bear! Totally awesome, right? He was very soft and squishy. (:
I also got to hula hoop a ton! Except apparently, I was supposed to get my heart rate measured first.. Oops. :P But that's okay. She read it after, and I got a prize. (: A stress ball!!! Mine was red. Mom got a blue one, and someone else got green. I put mine in my Dad's pocket so I wouldn't have to hold it, and my Mom decided she should put hers in her pocket, too..

What do you think? Pretty attractive, right? That was actually the second time she put it in. The first time, she took it right out. But I made her put it back so I could get a picture. (: Gotta love my funky parents!!!!
After the tour, we got a little more food.. [James was still hungry, and so was Coby.] Then we were just sitting around at a table talking and everything, and Rachel decided she wanted to go down the big blow up slide again. She made Coby go with her..

That's Rachel on the left, in case you couldn't tell. (:

That was our Sun Factory adventure! No free products, but plenty of free fun. (: (:

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

What's your flava, babay what's your flava?

Better than sex cake... Yeeaaahhh.. Pretty much the best freakin stuff EVER. Thank yooou Maureen! :D :D :D
Aaaaand... ACTION!!!
Or not. No action for moi. Laaame. I am SO ready for an adventure!!!
Oh oh oh!! I got two phone calls today from an "unavailable" number.. They never said a word. Think it could be the beginning of an adventure? Only time will tell!! O:=
Le bus decided to detour to a completely different route through construction without telling me. Totally rude, right? I could not believe it. Thank goodness I was able to find another ride. After last night, I was not in the mood to walk to work!
What happened last night you ask? Well, I'll tell you.
We went to see Robin Hood (phenomenal) and got home kinda late. I don't think Izzy was very happy, because he got rather spastic. So I locked him up in his kennel. He was not going to let me leave him there all night, oh no, not that delightful specimen of royalty. So he banged against the door of his kennel. And Coby was inflicting some unimaginable form of torture on Oscar in the next room, so no solace could be found by turning that direction, as the poor pup was whining piteously. So eventually I took my comforter downstairs and slept on the couch. Lame.
So, needless to say, I was tired. Hopefully Mr. Izzers will let me sleep tonight..
Speaking of sleep, I think it's about time for a reunion with my old friend.
I think I shall return soon!
Goodnight. (:

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

My List!!

Okay, so this is my list. Well, what I have so far, anyway. (:

  • See "Avenue Q"
  • Read every Dean Koontz book possible
  • Learn all about Tim Burton's movies and see them!
  • Learn all about Johnny Depp's movies and see them!
  • Volunteer at a homeless shelter
  • Volunteer at an animal shelter
  • Travel to another country
  • Travel to another continent
  • Learn about my community
  • Kiss someone in the pouring rain
  • Spend extensive time alone in California
  • Go on an extremely romantic all-day date
  • Flirt with a handsome stranger
  • Wear a fancy dress doing a mundane activity(groceries?)
  • Tour a vineyard
  • Finish writing a book
  • Shop at the D.I.
  • Don't watch t.v. for a whole week
  • Go out dancing
  • Fall in love- and show him!
  • Buy flowers for a guy
  • Donate blood
  • Submit a video to America's Funniest (AFV)
  • Do something nice for a stranger
  • Completely finish a coloring book
  • Go on a cruise
  • Have an adventure!
  • Go skydiving

So that is currently my list. I'm sure it will get longer, knowing me. But there is one thing I can cross off, and things that will be crossed off much sooner than anticipated!!!! :D

Go skydiving.
That is right! I went skydiving! iFly down in Ogden. It was so amazing! Definitely a great experience, and one I wouldn't mind repeating!!!

And that's all for now. Ta!

Friday, April 16, 2010


Blah to your face!!! It's a friday night. I got off work at six, came home and got ready, and went to a wedding reception. (Which, by the way, are all depressing. Just so you know.) Now I am sitting on the computer while my family is out, bored out of my mind and all alone. So I thought, hey, why not write something on my blog?? It's only been forever!!!! But ya know? It's not as entertaining as I had hoped it would be...
GAH!!! I left my story at work!!! Fiddlesticks... I started writing a story on the back of my mailing list tracker so all that paper wouldn't be wasted. And it was a really good story, too! Now someone is probably going to throw it away, and I won't have it anymore. ): Very sad day indeed.
Guess what? I don't like not having plans. It really kinda sucks. I'm a very social person (big surprise there! :P), and being home alone with nothing to do really just doesn't appeal to me... Ha.
Once upon a time.....
Nah, no story I guess. I don't feel like using my creative juices to cure boredom on my blog.
Oh Oh Oh!! I cut my leg today! Shaving, go figure. :P I'm real good at that- the skinning myself alive thing, I mean. Ha!!
I.. Have.. My.. Driver's license!!! (Technically driver's license should have been in two separate sentences, considering the pattern I was following, but I decided that would be anti-climatic and, quite frankly, a little dumb.) Now I am just waiting on proof of insurance to come in the mail, and I'm legal. Watch out drivers of West Jordan and the surrounding area! I'm LEGAL!!!!!! :D Absolutely thrilled, as well. In case you couldn't see that for yourself. (I don't know, maybe you really couldn't!!! I'm not ruling anything out.)
La de freakin da...
Maybe I'll go watch a movie.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Creating my list!

I am going to create a list of things that I want to do in my life. All things, big and small. The order I write them in won't reflect the order they need to be done in. But I hope this will help me focus on how I want to live my life and what I want to accomplish. Maybe make me a happier person??? Who knows!! But I sure hope so. (: First thing on my list?????????? Wait and see!! Because I'm sure it will be entertaining!!! AND a beautiful reflection of my life. (:
I can hear the shower...
Dad is sleeping on the couch...
Mom is at work...
Could it be?
Coby is taking a shower without being told and without a special occasion! It's a beautiful day indeed folks. (:
You can't tell me otherwise.

WORST first blog EVER!!!

My family was miraculously intact for so long.. Sure, we were dysfunctional, crazy, and obnoxious. But most of us were still around, happy, loving. In the course of a week I feel as though we have been ripped apart, torn and shredded. We still have each other, but we are no longer intact. We will change. We have lost too many to stay the same. Some will be bitter. Some won't recover. There will be laughter, tears, screams, and silence. But never again will life be as it was. Not with so many taken so suddenly from our midst....
{This blog should have been posted on February 11th. I've been busy.}